An open letter to the love of my life

Forgive me for I was 13 and naive

I didn’t understand the multitude of this disease that was eating away your life

I knew u were sick, but sick people recover don’t they?

You were sick before and the doctor cut off one off your breast

I thought things were going to go back to normal

Like before, when you only had one breast

I wanted them to get back to normal

And normal was us coming over every recess flooding your kitchen

Gracefully awaiting your salivating meals

Normal was you with no sickness

Normal was you accepting the dirty water we would get from the river

Normal was you sitting in your chair seeing your eyes light up when you saw us

Normal was having you around

But now u gone

And I will never love the way I love you

It’s been 8 years I should be used to not having you around

But I can’t the pain still cuts deep in heart, it traps air in my lungs and the reflex is tears

They stream down my cheeks like summer rain

I try to stop them but they won’t listen, they fall harder

My heart says that it will only heal if the eyes saw you again

Or if my soul felt your touch again

If my ears heard your voice again

So I close my eyes and stay in complete silence and wait for a connection to you

 And Nothing

I close them harder and still nothing

U  are gone,   but I want you back

Whenever I walk into your room I’m reminded of you

Your scent still lingers on in the room

I place my nose on your clothes and in hail the sweet aroma of your perfume and I’m reminded off how much I miss you

Did I tell you that in grade 11 I thought I had your sickness?

Mama was scared so was everyone especially Dinao

I could see in her eyes that she couldn’t deal with another cancer patient

Coz when you were sick she would cry every time she saw you

I remember you telling her dad that you couldn’t stand to see her cry

We all couldn’t

I also went to the doctor but they didn’t cut off my breast they just removed the lump

I was lucky.

I wish God had told me that He was going to take you away

 I would’ve spend every minute with you instead of play with my friends

I would’ve stopped going to school too

At least then I would be prepared for the day God took you

But I wasn’t prepared

I walked in the room;

 Mama had put a pillow over your face

I walked out the room and cried

Bonolo and Sedikane asked me what’s wrong

They didn’t want to accept that you were gone

 It hurt too see you lie there

But at least you weren’t in pain anymore

You had lost so much weight, and you were vomiting

You couldn’t eat

I know you needed to rest

I wanted you to be at my graduation, but I guess the view is better up the

I like vintage clothing and some of your clothes fit me

So I wear them I feel closer to you

I know you didn’t want too die but God needed you to rest and help prepare heaven

So now I wait the day that I will meet you in heaven

I wonder how it’s going to be when I see

I mean the emotions?

Am I going to cry? Or laugh?

I can’t wait

I will always love you and never forget how you moulded me to be the woman I am today

I will see you soon

Love your grand daughter Remoratile Raisibe Mologadi Mamogobo